Yes. “Happy Holidays”, you schmuck!

joy 150w, 450w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />No, I’m not Jewish. Or Christian. Or Muslim/Hindu/Buddist/Jain/whatever! I did, however, grow up Catholic in a Jewish neighborhood. Maybe that gives me a little more perspective than most. Maybe not. But you know what’s most important to the discussion of “Happy Holidays”? I can fucking count! The people continuously posting stupid things like “It’s not ‘Happy Holidays’, it’s ‘Merry Christmas’!” apparently cannot.

Let’s say, for a moment, that I were a poorly educated, small-minded idiot that was only capable of recognizing holidays from my own Christian religion because the other ones “aren’t real”. If I could count, I’d still know that Christians alone have fifteen holidays just in December, and another seven in the first week of January. So even if I were this hypothetical idiot with the crudest of math skills, I’d “know” that everyone I greeted in the holiday season had multiple holidays coming soon, and all were church mandated holy days. Given all that, why wouldn’t I say “Happy Holidays”?

But let’s say I was a really ignorant idiot, who only knew about one of the holidays my own religion had in this season. Even then, I’d know that the secular holidays of New Year’s Eve/Day were one week afterward. So even my utter-idiot-self with the crudest of math skills would know that everyone I greeted in the holiday season had multiple holidays coming soon. Yet again, why wouldn’t I say “Happy Holidays”?

Now let’s say I had average intelligence and maybe read books, so I was aware I lived with countrymen of not only secular backgrounds, but even of other religions? Well then, in that case, I’d know about The Jews’ Hanukkah, the Buddists’ Bhodhi Day, the Hindus’ Pancha Ganapati, the Pagans’ Yule, etc. Maybe I’d even consider that sometimes, the people to whom I was talking didn’t know for certain that I was Christian, and wanted to wish me well without offending/confusing me.

Still confused? You can look this all up for yourself here.

In other words: Get a fucking grip. Take everyone’s well-wishes at face value, and stop being such a fucking schmuck! You’ll have lower blood-pressure…

About the Author

Despite a decade of Catholic school, I have never been a believer. I guess I was just born without the gene! Nevertheless, I've always tried to explore others' ideas and practices, on the theory that just because you can't use one part of a product, it doesn't mean you have to throw the whole thing away.
I spent over a decade traveling the world, and I've lived in both Europe and the US. I've read the Bible, the Bhagavad Gita, and the Koran. I've studied engineering, yoga, martial arts, shooting sports, and ballroom dancing. What I've discovered is that a) spirituality is just a spooky sounding word for any of a number of methods for learning about yourself and your mind, and b) whatever word you use, doing so is the single most important thing in learning to be happy.
My blog, The Passionate Rationalist ( is dedicated to my thoughts both on gaining self-knowledge and using your mind to eliminate misunderstanding and delusion.